To Much Violence and Finger Pointing

Sorry that I haven't posted since April. Had a baby and moved so life has been a little hectic.

There a lot of news stories out there about violent outbursts form the George Zimmerman verdict. Now I'm not going to go into race baiting or any of that CLEARLY obvious crap. I'm just going to make a brief post on my view on race and how other people need to re-think their view and behavior.

To suggest that white people are the only people guilty of racism is really stupid. I can't tell you how many times I've been called something derogatory by a black person. And not because I did something purposely evoke this persons anger. One time I accidentally cut a guy off in the grocery store and you'd of thought I'd hit him to create the kind of out burst that came from this man. Black people are just as guilty of racism.

Point I'm going to make is that I don't care what color you are, where you come from, what religion you are, what sexual orientation you are, as long as you are a good person, we're cool. It doesn't take a lot of effort to be a good person. It doesn't take a lot of effort to tell a good choice from a bad choice. The choices you make in life are really important and when you make the bad ones you need to be ready to take responsibility for those choices. So those of you out there rioting, beating people, killing people, for some kid that you don't know. For some kid, you are out there hurting people just trying to live their life, not hurting anyone. Think, think before you do this crap. Think before you walk out that door. Who do you want to be? Who do you really want to be? Don't be what you think your friends think you should be. Be who you want to be.

After reading so many of these stories I had to stop. Makes me thankful I live in the country now.

New Motherhood Part One

I am proud to announce that after more than twenty four hours of labor on April 28th 2013 baby Rhiannon came into the world. And the moment I heard her first cry and saw her face my heart changed forever. There are no words that can really explain the feeling that comes over you at that moment. I would say shock and even though that is part of it, it doesn't really do it justice. After nine months of pregnancy and after laboring that long, that moment, that awestruck overwhelming feeling that you created that life and somehow through all that pain made it through and gave life to someone that had your heart wrapped around her little finger even though you just met. It left me and my husband just staring at one another in complete amazement. The next three days to follow we just looked at her while she's sleeping and both say "...oh my God."

Before I gave birth I was panicking that I wasn't ready for the responsibility and because of that I was horrified I wasn't up to the task. Now after having had her I can't think of not having her and how this responsibility came so naturally after that moment.

Now that I put my experience and feelings out there here comes the educational part of the blog. Even though the first two paragraphs are very warm and fuzzy. Here's what happens when you get home from the hospital. Your stress level literally goes from 0 to 10. Not because the baby is fussy or she's difficult but because now that you have your baby you start thinking of all the what ifs that could happen like her getting ill or heaven forbid something horrible happens and you lose her. And that fear was enough to make me break into tears every time I heard that girl whimper. I'm a very laid back person and not a lot makes me tear up or get very emotional. But at this point I don't think it matters what kind of person you are, when you become a first time mother you turn spastic. I swear if my husband wasn't here and my mom didn't come down for a few weeks to help out I'd be a complete mess. So if anyone reading this feels or felt the same way I think this is normal.

Things about pregnancy they don't tell you. Number one being that 70% of women while giving birth poop on the table. Thank God this didn't happen to me but apparently it happens. I found this out about a month before and I think I was more afraid of that than the actual giving birth part. Number two, about 4-5 days after you have your baby your breasts swell and are freakishly misshapen-ed. They tell you about the swelling but they don't tell you the severity of it. Seriously looks like I paid a homeless person for breast implants. Number three, your stress level is very dependent on your environment. I was actually really comfortable at the hospital. Not because the room was nice or anything of which it wasn't bad. But if something happened you are surrounded by trained professionals to help your baby. You go from having that to going home and being more than fifteen minutes away from the hospital. Then you look at the state of your house and even if its not bad it is not up to your standards as a place you want your baby sitting around in therefore you freak out and start cleaning everything even though you just gave birth two-three days before and were specifically instructed to rest and not do anything strenuous. So you finally are at a place where you are comfortable in your home environment, now you have to take her out of that environment and go to the first doctors appointment for the baby. Stress level goes from a 3 to a 9, not because of risk of germ exposer but you are unable to be more than a foot away without looking at her to make sure she's still there. Because after the appointment you probably have errands to run. I was never so nervous in my life as I was in Sam's Club today. Because you know there are crazy people out there that steal babies.

I'm sure all that I'm feeling is normal. I'm learning how to deal with the stress, trying not to take it out on anyone around me and instead directing it to cleaning and keeping up with laundry to try work through it and tell myself I'm doing fine and it is working. But it doesn't matter how you slice it because it doesn't take much to make the stress level shoot up there again. Hopefully whoever is reading this has or has had a good support team because it helps a lot so the pressure isn't always on you.

I would do it all over again though. I would go through 24+ hours of labor all over again for her. And even though its only been six days after she was born I want another one. I'm sure after she's a couple months old and this moment will have faded a little in my memory I may not say the same. I am so lucky to have this little girl.

Homosexuality and Religion

Yes, I will attempt to breach this topic and please wish me luck. I have no idea how many re-writes this post will have but I'm hoping one genuine heartfelt rant will be all it takes. Many months ago the Westboro Baptists where on the news for what they are always on the news for and before that I had never really heard of them before and now that I've looked them up and got the facts on all of it I must of had my head under a rock. And today I got home from work completely miserable (8 months pregnant and wrecked) and turned on netflix and one of the recommendations is a Kevin Smith live in somewhere show. So in this show he talks about his movie Red State and his relationship with the Westboro Baptists protesting his film. And just his reaction to them and how he protested back was just glorious. It wasn't hateful, it was funny, lighthearted, and satirical perfection. Because what the Westboro Baptists don't seem to understand is that putting so much hate out there brings potential tragedy. You can only add fuel to a fire for so long before it explodes.

Now I'm a conservative and a christian and both are confused with being a small/closed minded, racist, homophobic, ect. And if you are one of those people that truly believe we are all created equal just because of SOME under the same conservative flag then you are sorely mistaken. Now the Westboro Baptists preach hate, not religion. And they are a poor representation of faith. In my opinion they shouldn't even be called a church because God would never preach such hatred amongst his children.

What I'm going to talk about now is my own personal opinion on homosexuality and religion. So if you don't agree with it fine, if you want to argue with me about it, wonderful. Feel free to do so. I must be one of those people that just everything about me screams "Talk to me about your life and your problems." Because it seems to happen a lot. But more than once some kid has come to me and asked me about my view on it. My view is that life is to short to not be happy and not be who you are. And that's not to say you should come out and be carefree right off the bat and damn the consequences. Because put yourself in this kid's shoes, horrified of what your friends and loved ones would say or think, how many people that you love will you lose just because of this? Someone that is gay is put in a terrible position just because of who they are. If everyone put themselves in a gay person's shoes I don't think there would be half as much intolerance and misunderstanding. We straight people have it amazingly easy in comparison. Now if you are a kid reading this and you have a religious family don't be to quick to judge your parents silence or horrified expression as rejection. Because, and this is not everyone but from what I've seen in most cases is that you're parents love you and that doesn't change. Its more they are afraid that this makes your life harder and it will. Your parents may also be stuck on their love for you and what the bible says. The bible never says to persecute gays, it says to treat them like everyone one else. I don't feel that God would want me to hate anyone just because of who they are. God does come down hard on homosexuality and that is where as a parent they are most torn. Your parents love you and they want the best for you. They want a good life for you and they don't want to see you hurt or mistreated and unfortunately being gay raises the odds of that happening.You can't ask someone to give up on their faith, just the same as you can't give up on your kid. And that, is the dilemma. Some will say "You can't have both!" and I say, why not. Love your faith and your family, because hate of either will get you nowhere.

Just because you are gay doesn't mean you can't have a relationship with God because no matter what God WANTS to have a relationship with you. Talk to him about your life, your worries, your family. Just because you are gay doesn't mean he has stopped caring or has never cared. I think people have the assumption that God gives up on his children easily. I don't think that at all, I think he is there and he waits for you to come back if you ever left. Once you love someone does that ever go away and can it?

We need to approach situations like these with an open heart and an open mind, not a set point of view that won't be changed. People are amazing and they have lived and gone through some horrific and amazing things and through their stories we learn, we grow, and are inspired. You just have to be capable of seeing it and putting yourself in that persons place even if just for a moment.

And to the Westboro Baptists in particular this is for you. God will love and take in a kindhearted atheist and a kindhearted homosexual before he would ever take a hateful christian.

Why Wait?!

So the other day I was watching a documentary on Stan Lee and someone had asked him why he wasn't retiring and enjoying himself. He answered "Why retire, I'm doing what I've always dreamed of doing." Which made me think, do people wait till they are retired to do what they've always wanted to do?

Though I can understand it in a way because being a responsible adult forces you to make sacrifices for yourself, your spouse, your kids, etc. But to wait for 40-50+ years to do what you've always dreamed to do? That is absurd to me. I mean what if when you retire your health in such poor condition that you find yourself unable to do whatever it was you dreamed of doing? Nothing lasts forever, your health being one of those things and while I know and understand you have a duty to your family, you also have a duty to yourself. So few of us get to actually work an occupation that we love to do so why not indulge in something that you like to do on the side. I took up the violin eight months ago because I've always wanted to learn. If its this hard to learn now I can only imagine how hard it would be to learn at age 60 something. Its good to have a passion and to share that passion and your love for that passion with others. It inspires people to do the same with their own passions whether that be art, writing, film making, the list goes on. I'm learning violin now and once I learn how to play it to the best of my ability I'll continue to do so. Then I will continue onto something else I've always wanted to do.

Life is hard, you have to work, you have to make ends meet. But if you let it bury you you'll find very little joy in it. I've gotten to the point at a job were every day I was just so apathetic and embittered. And because of that I was turning into someone I didn't recognize. Do yourself a favor and don't do that to yourself. When this happened to me I quickly started looking for another job and the job I found though still not what I love to do, they were still flexible enough for me to take time off for family gatherings. I worked with people that understood there was a world outside of work and that was all I could ask for. No job is worth being that unhappy. Never quit your job without having another one lined up because jobs are to rare to come by now a days to do that. So don't go reading this and think its okay to tell your boss to shove it tomorrow. On my other blog I once compared leaving a job you absolutely hated to go to one that at the time is exactly what you wanted/needed was like taking a really good poop. Your full of stress and anxiety a now that you no longer have to go to that every day you feel a giant weight/pressure leave.

So don't wait till retirement. Be as happy and fulfilled as you possibly can. Because no matter how hard things get you'll always have a part of you that you can escape to.

Abortion, is NOT about Freedom of Choice!

That's right ladies, its not. And I'm not going to come at this from a religious point of view either. I'm currently 8 months pregnant and the thought that a woman would voluntarily murder something this innocent is sick. I once read an article written by a feminist that compared both an unborn baby and anything under the age of 3 as a parasite living off the mother, not a human being.

The excuse that these left wing extremest are screaming that its about a woman's freedom of choice is BS. Plain and simple not taking responsibility for your actions. You have sex without protection you take a risk of getting pregnant, you know that. So just because you had an error in judgement you're going to kill a person that didn't ask to exist. So while you are claiming that this is freedom of choice you are ripping this choice away from this child whether they live or die. Because YOU were careless you are going to make this person suffer, you are going to kill this person.

The bravest women I know are single mothers. Women that knew that if they had this child their lives would be that much harder but they took responsibility for the act they took part in and chose to have that baby. If you don't want to have children, go out and have your tubes tied and prevent it from even happening. Now that is a good choice if you believe in this freedom of choice BS, then you can at least claim to be responsible for making a choice that wouldn't involve the murder of someone that has no fault and no voice.

Taking responsibility for your actions is one of the first things that you are taught as a child. If you touch that iron, you'll get burned. If you stick your finger in that light socket, you'll be electrocuted, if you take a toy of your brother/sister you will get into trouble for not sharing. If you can't take responsibility for your actions you are NOT an adult, you are a screaming child that the rest of us adults do not have to listen to. Take your tantrum somewhere else, don't be toting this crap around here making excuses that it is your Right to be frivolous, careless, and stupid. If you are not adult enough to realize any of this then you are not adult enough to be making the kind of decisions that influence this country. The value of life is sacred, not a parasite.

This is Rhiannon at 4months,

you can't tell me that she's not a person.

Equal Opportunity

That's right girls! All you have to do to be promoted into a good company is....survey says....BE A GIRL! No more pushing yourself in college to be the best you can! No more having to put in your dues in the mail room or a receptionist starting position! No more do you actually have to learn all the responsibilities of all those that make your company work! Nope, all you have to do is have tits! Doesn't that just make you feel good about yourself? Being promoted not because they think you deserve the position, believe that you can succeed by how much hard work you've put in, nope, just because they don't want to offend any feminist groups. So you are hired in place of a guy who has put years into the company, who knows tons more than you, and is way more qualified than you in every way. But what do you care? You are twenty two and SO oppressed! Pay no mind to the generations of women that actually had to work to get promoted. Nope, they weren't idealists like you. You deserve to get this job just because of the additional X chromosome.

I think I laid it on pretty thick how ridiculous this frame of mind is. Doesn't bother any of you that they don't think or care that you are smart enough or even capable of doing this job? They promote you with very little confidence in you, and in most cases setting you up to fail. Not only that they hired you instead of a guy who has years in the company, more than likely married with kids and could use the extra money. Now I understand that you may be well intentioned and doing the same as everyone, trying to get a leg up in the company so shame on the company for doing this to you and the other guy. But if you are one of those fembots out there, do you really think this the way it should be? Your obsessive complaining has insulted the bulk of the female population and has offended us because we want promoted because of how hard we've worked, how well we've educated ourselves and prepared ourselves for a job. And if we get the job its because we were the most qualified, not because of what gender we are. So get rid of that ridiculous since of entitlement.

Occupy Wallstreet

Okay I'll start off by telling you all of my little story. I went into college at 18 years old all bright eyed and bushy tailed thinking "I'm going to be a teacher! I'm going to be the most awesome teacher there is and change lives for the better!" Fast forward the five year where I'm volunteering at after school programs finishing up my degree and hating every moment of it. But the one part I liked was counseling the kids. It was the one thing I did where I could see I was making a real difference in a kid's life and helping them make better decisions. That's where I was the most happy and the most fulfilled. Back then it was a lot harder to get financial aid if you already had a degree so I figured I'd stop and take a break because I ran in head first into getting the teaching degree and I didn't want to make the same mistake again. I knew I wanted to go into child psych but I wanted to do more research before jumping into another major and getting myself further in debt. Well then life happened and I wasn't able to go back to college right away either.

Another example my husband went to school for anthropology majoring in archeology (and no it isn't as exotic as you think it is. Indiana Jones is a filthy liar.) The pay is decent at best and he was never home because the only way you can make ends meet is if you NEVER stop working. When you get to one job you have to look for your next one. As you can imagine that got old pretty quick and he got a job back here at home working night shift at Wal-mart because he got tired of being away from me and his family all the time. He is now going back to college for a degree in computer programing while working now full-time for the state.

Now saddled with the debt of college on top of my other bills, rent, car, utilities, and misc. credit cards I'm not going to lie that sometimes money gets tight. But do you see me abandoning my job to squat out on the street and harass honest hardworking people? No! Do you see me complaining about how unfair my life is that I'm stranded without a college degree and all this debt to pay off? No! Do you see me rioting, littering, and turning to assault and battery? No!  Do you see me blaming the rich, people that have worked hard to get where they are? No! I didn't abandon my job, my bills, or my family to complain about the poor education I received grades 5-12 and blame it on people that had nothing to do with it.

Do I agree with how colleges set up their curriculum? No, absolutely not. I don't believe that in order to be a Mathematician you have to take so many English, history, art, physical ed. or any other general education classes. What was the point of K-12 if you have to do this all again. Money is the reason why. It is ridiculous to waist anymore of these kids time and put them even further in debt. Just think how more efficient the states would run if colleges operated more like tech schools. You would go in for your field and only your field and only have to pay for the classes you needed, not the ones you were forced to take. Its not like I don't feel cheated because I do but sitting down, whining about it and turning to violence on innocent people is no solution either. All of you are stupid if you think this is getting you anywhere. Personally I hope you all get arrested and while you're in jail you should get the beating your parents never gave you. Here's some very good advice. Life is NOT fair. No one OWES you crap. And you do NOT get any awards for participating. The only good things you receive in life is doing good hard work and being a good person. Honestly where has camping out on a garbage infested street gotten you so far?